Why Spammers, Why?

I have an email in my spam folder that sounds very authoritative. It's from the Federal Bureau of Investigations and it says, "FINAL WARNING!!!" Yep, three exclamation points. You know why does part of me want to take a peek? I know it's bogus and a virus that will make me send penis enlargement products to all my email contacts, but in the back of my mind I wonder--Has someone online put out a hit on me because they hate my email moniker? Is the FBI is trying to warn me and they MUST find me (via email) before the hitman does? Maybe "David" who emails at 2:51 a.m. really does need my help. Why would he be up at 2:51 if he didn't? Makes me curious what kind of help David needs from ME. He probably just wants to be directed to an awesome coupon site or he doesn't know what temperature/time to cook a baked potato. I could help David and feel really good about myself and find out what the FBI wants if only I weren't afraid of the viruses attached to their emails. . . *sigh*